


Spare me the guilt, will you?

by Oh_the_bliss



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Cults, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-02-29 06:57:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18773569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_the_bliss/pseuds/Oh_the_bliss
Summary: Elizabeth Quinn woke up in the creek being baptized. The only problem is that she does not remember who she is. It's up to Joseph to give her purpose, or will the reisistance take that away from him too?





	1. Water

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a horrible writer, i just needed some vent content.

Humming was the only thing Elizabeth could hear over her own heartbeat. The flow of water covered her face as she laid in what seemed to be a creek. Opening her eyes, she jumped up from the prison of water. Coughing, she knelt over in the cold water that submerged half her torso. 

"And together we can march to Eden's Gate." A man's voice bellowed from infront of her haze. Elizabeth looked up with hooded eyes, glancing to the man who spoke. He glanced in her direction; his icy blue eyes shocked her to the core. With a moment of his hand, she walked over to the man, with a slight drag. "Are you doing any better, Liza? I told you the cleansing would be easy." The man touched her cold wet face and dragged his knuckles across her skin. It felt like the warmth of a fire which was very welcomed.

"I'm sorry." Her own voice started her for a moment, but she knew she had to continue, "do I know you?" The man's limbs froze suddenly, as he examined her face. The silence that followed made Elizabeth anxious, making her fingers shake with anxiety. The man grabbed onto her wrist softly, and lead her out of the cold waters. A man wearing a symbol Elizabeth couldn't recognize approached them with a radio. John grabbed onto it swiftly, and held it close to his mouth.

"Joseph. We have a problem." His radio clicked to life after a moment and another man's voice echoed out of the box . "What is wrong, John? Has someone caused problems?" A man's voice filled with concern answered back. John put a hand onto his hip and answered back, "I think Faith's new treatment erased Elizabeth's Memory. I don't know how much but she doesn't remember me. " John's voice shook as he became aware that Elizabeth was listening, and walked behind the white pick up truck infront of her. She looked around while he was gone.

Beautiful trees surrounded her as she heard crickets chirping and the sound of water flowing in the creek. The sound was like music to her Ears. Thinking for a moment tried to remember who she was. "I know my name," she mumbled to herself, "but how old am I?" Examining her clothing, she wore a soaked black short sleeve and tight black pants. Her body seemed too thin for her to even concider herself to be healthy. Searching pockets, she found nothing but a small pendant with the strange logo on it. "Did this mean anything to me...?" Without a second thought, Elizabeth put it around her neck and turned back to John's area.

He was talking to a srubby man quite angrily. After a few minutes, the man left the area in a hurry. John sighed and looked over at Elizabeth. Smiling lightly, he approched the woman.

"I am so sorry for this whole ordeal. I'm going to have to ask you to follow me. Your family is waiting for you." With mention of family. Liza got ready to go. John approched the drivers side of the truck, leaving her to grab the passenger's side. Closing doors and turning on the engine; they were off to god knows where.

°•°•°

The only thinking keeping Elizabeth Conscious was the sound of the truck engine humming and tires rolling on a dirt path. They had been driving for around fifteen minutes; Elizabeth leaving awkward glances to the man named John who kept his eyes on the dusty path. It was still nightfall, the only thing showing was the headlights on the road. Sighing in slight frustration, Elizabeth tried to start conversation.

"My family...who are they?" She asked lightly, moving her body slightly closer to the passenger door. John's right hand tapped on the steering wheel slightly before he answered. 

"I am your family." He stated plainly, "we may not be blood related, but that doesn't stop us from loving one another like siblings." He glanced in her direction slightly causing her to tighten her hands around her knees. She didn't understand the concept.

"Are you my adoptive brother?" This comment made John laugh and left Elizabeth flushed in embarrassment. "No. It's hard to explain. Wait until we reach The Church. Joseph will explain your significance to us." Just like that it was quiet again. After a few more minutes, John made his final turn into a heavily gated area. Driving along the dirt path approached a church with all kinds of equipment setting outside. Putting the truck in park, John stepped out and swiftly walked over to Elizabeth's side to open her door.

"Thank you." She hopped out of the truck and shut her door. Following quickly behind John, they walked a dirt path up to a church. She looked around the perimeter to find it empty. 'Where is everyone?' She pondered to herself. The walk was too quiet; the only sounds were the sounds of John's shoes on the floor and her barefoot ones lightly tapping onto the dirt. Approaching the church in full view, John put his hand on the handles and opened the doors with a light grunt.

"Joseph, we have made it safely." Elizabeth examined the church; the glow of orange lights lit up the back of s man's torso which gleamed lightly with sweat. He was on the floor, praying. His head moved up and he turned to look at Elizabeth. Fear struck her core sharply as she backed up involuntarily. John put a hand onto her shoulder before whispering gently, "don't be afraid. You're safe here." The man infront of them got up and approched her.

"My child." He said calmly, grabbing onto her head lightly and placing it upon her own. Elizabeth closed her eyes slightly at this gesture, and placed her own hands onto his. He pulled away and examined her face. "I heard news of your newfound amnesia. I'm concerned for your wellbeing." She didn't know if this was a rhetorical statement or not; regardless, she answered him.

"I don't remember who I am." Her voice lightly shook with pain as her eyes slightly watered, "I don't know where I am or who you are." Elizabeth's eyes shook back and forth, examining Joseph's face. His face stretched into one of worry. She couldn't tell the color of his eyes through his yellow aviator glasses. 

"The only thing I can remember is my first name. It's Elizabeth. I heard someone whisper it to me when I was submerged in the lake." Something seemed to click in Joseph as he looked over to his brother. John folded his arms and went to sit down at a pew in the front of the church.

"My child," Joseph started, "To go through such a thing is something I could never imagine. But, we know who you are. And I'm going to tell you every thing you need to know about yourself so you can be at ease."

"Your name is Elizabeth Quinn. You're 22 years old and come from Providence, Rhode Island. You worked here as a Deputy for the Sheriff's Department, but found the path to our church. You have build your life here for the past month, with brother John." He stated, rubbing her right hand calmly. His rosary beads hit eachother slightly with his movements.

"Are...we affiliated with eachother?" She asked innocently, concerned. He seemed to smile at that, but answered her question, "Just about. You made John feel love in his heart. You just weren't ready to become one with him." She looked away from his eyes nervously. Elizabeth didn't mean to hurt someone she was close to. "I... am sorry." The tears that fell down her face were fast as she stared at the ground. Guilt was the only thing she could feel in that moment as her body felt to the ground.

"Father, is she alright?" A feminine voice came from outside the church. With a light pat of feet, a woman's hand was placed upon her shoulder. Looking up, her face was met with a girl that looked her age. She smiled lightly, and pulled Elizabeth off her feet. "Don't shed tears here. This place is supposed to be one full of happiness, not sorrow." The woman wiped away Elizabeth's tears and swayed with her slightly.

"Do you not remember me?" Elizabeth shook her head no in response, causing the girl to make a face of hurt. She then smiled like nothing happened and laughed, "My name is Faith. We were once close here; you worked beside me for the church. You were good at helping the unholy see." She praised, holding onto the girls bare forearms lightly.

"What do you mean by that?" Elizabeth asked slowly, as if she didn't want to hear the news. Faith looked at Joseph for a moment then turned her to him, giggling.

"You were a chosen under sister faith. A good marksman and a good hunter. You helped protect our church and our people from the one's who do not agree with us. From all the battles you've seen, you have always made it out alive by God's will." The mention of being a marksman confused Elizabeth. She never would have believed herself to be a killer. 

"I murdered people?" She asked weakly. Faith placed a comforting hand onto her shoulder. "You weren't a murderer. You helped people who couldn't see the path to Eden. They had no Faith in us." Elizabeth took note on how long faith dragged the Word 'faith.' Looking back over to Joseph, she shook her head.

"I'm still confused. Church? Are we Christians or something?" She asked quickly, shaking her head in disarray. Too much had been thrown to her at once and she couldn't handle it.

"Calm down, my child. Take a seat. Faith, why don't you get Elizabeth some tea." He pulled her lightly to sit on a pew. She shook from being overwhelmed. Scratching her arms lightly, she looked over at Joseph for an explanation. That seemed to be what he wanted.

"The Collapse is upon us, my child. The end of the world is coming and we won't be able to stop it. God showed me the vision of the end. The world will burn from the wrath of the angles, and those who follow him with be allowed to be on the cleansed earth. You don't have to live a sad life of sin. I can show you a life with no suffering and a life where you can live without fear. I can help you, Elizabeth." He preached to her aloud. Her hands shook from shock. His voice swayed her in a way she didn't think possible. She didn't even realize she was crying until Faith held onto her like a lost child. 

Faith handed the girl a white teacup full of tea. With shaking hands, Elizabeth grabbed onto the cup and drank from it. In almost an instant, she felt weak. Her vision shaked lightly and she felt her arms go weak. Faith smiled at her and grabbed the teacup from her loose fingers. "You are worthy to live with my family in Eden." Joseph's voice echoed in her Ears. "But first you have to attone." Turning her head to the right, she noticed John and Faith stood next to eachother. Faith smiled at her and approched the girl.

"I will show you the path to Eden. You must have faith in me so I can have faith in you." The blonde blew something into Elizabeth's face and her senses became overwhelmed. Her body went limp as her consciousness went in and out. It felt like she was floating on air before there was nothing but darkness.


	2. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hospitality with John and a meeting with the red wolf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise it's not going to be a slice of life,,, I'm just going to make her seem like she's pure till it's taken from her.

Elizabeth woke up before sunrise. Stretching her limbs, she got up from the bed where she laid and examined the room. The walls and floorboards were all wood and expensive rugs covered walkways in the room. She noted a candle lit on the mahogany dresser to the left of the room. Approaching the door quietly, she turned the knob and walked down the staircase. Looking around, she noted the drapes that hung with the same simple she saw everywhere. Assuming it was the church's logo, Elizabeth jumped to the last step and smiled at herself.

"Going somewhere?" The familiar voice of john came from beside her, making her jump back out of reflex. She stared at the man silently, not knowing what to say. He took a deep breath, "out of all ways I though we could have lost you, amnesia wasn't on the list." Elizabeth felt her shoulders drag down in slight guilt.

"I am... sorry for being a cause of your troubles." She mumbled, scratching at her arm again. He took this lightly, and walked to the dinning area.

"Normally, people don't wake up without a headache from all that bliss shit." He said, pulling out a cooking pan. It gleamed in the yellow lights that hung around his kitchen. Placing the pan onto his stove, he turned it on, emitting an orange and blue flame from the burner. "You never fail to surprise me." John laughed at this statement, going through his refrigerator for ingridents. Elizabeth slowly walked over to John. She sat on his countertop without a second thought.

"What is bliss?" She asked. The only form of 'bliss' she could remember, was the feeling of pure happiness and ecstasy. John reached his hands over to grab an egg, and set it onto the pan. The pop of oil on the egg whites was too loud, Elizabeth cringed at the noise. "Bliss is the flowers Faith uses to make the drug bliss. It clouds your mind with a feeling of pleasure and hallucinations. She uses it to help with pain or to distract those who wish her harm. For you, she had to calm you down. You looked five seconds away from clawing your own throat out, Liza." His body froze at the nickname. Shaking his head lightly, he flipped the egg.

"Has she used it on you?" She tittered lightly. Her laugh echoed across the kitchen. John seemed slightly amused, "of course she has. One day, me and Joseph were working on expanding land then faith came in with tea for the both of us. I of course drank mine, but she put a good amount of bliss in there. I don't remember much from that day besides hunting in my dream state. There were turkeys every where. Those fuckers deserve to die."

John had finished the egg by now, and placed it onto a plate. He put another one on the stove and silently cooked it. Elizabeth though about what he said. The Bliss didn't seem like such a bad thing after all. It just seemed to be used in ways to help others. If Faith would let her, she would help her with this bliss. It could be a gesture of genuine sorrow for not remembering her. 

"Elisabeth." John shook her thigh lightly. She snapped out of her daze and looked at him slightly puzzled. "Oh, sorry." She laughed, "I didn't think I'd zone out so soon." John handed her s plate with an egg dozed in a little pepper and already made diced potatoes on the side. She grabbed the plate with a slight nod, and jumped off the counter.

"I made your favorite potatoes last night. I thought we were going to eat dinner together but fate had other plans." He said lightly, turning his head to look away from Elizabeth as he walked to the table in the middle of the room. He said down at the end. Elizabeth soon followed, and sat to the left of him. She picked up her fork and began to eat.

"Where are we, by the way?" She wondered aloud. Elizabeth didn't believe that he would answer her, but his kindness seemed to radiate off of the man. "You are in my ranch. Joseph wanted you somewhere where you spent the most time so you could get comfortable before atonement. Faith wanted to take you in, but we couldn't risk another accident." He finished his breakfast before she could finish half of hers. 

"Another accident?" John seemed to have expected to explain this question by the look on his face. He rubbed his hands on the top of his thighs and cleared his throat, "sister Faith tried a new form of bliss on you. She added god knows what to the bliss to see if it had any healing properties. You had recently revived a slash wound on your stomach." Elizabeth quickly lifted her shirt to see a red and scabbed scrape going from the right side of her hip to her left. Touching it, she couldn't feel anything. "I don't know if it worked." She said, lowering her shirt. 

"It didn't. You said you weren't feeling well in the afternoon, but said you would still partake in the cleansing. It took a week of preparation on your side to finally become one of us. When we reached the creek, you looked stressed. I thought you were going to step out last minute. Dunking you under water a little forcefully probably didn't help either. "His face contorted to one of regret. Elizabeth just stared at him in confusion. She didn't want to keep asking questions like a lost child, so she kept silent. Finishing her meal, she grabbed her and John's plate and washed them. Putting them in the rack, she wiped her hands on her black jeans, and walked back over to John.

"Thank you for breakfast, it felt like I haven't eaten in days." She laughed happily. John gave her a slight look and mumbled something under his breath. Getting up from the table, he grabbed onto a trench coat laying on a small table. Pulling over his arms, he sighed. "I have work to do today, so you will be staying with brother Jacob. He's wanted to see you for a small while now." John seemed a little uncomfortable which made Elizabeth's stomach drop. She would already trust John with her life. If he seemed nervous, she was going to be nervous.

"I hope to not disappoint brother Jacob." Brother fell off of her tounge smoothly as if she's spoken the word before. Was it even right to call a man she didn't know her brother? Pushing her thoughts away, Elizabeth made her way to the front door. Opening it, she noted the sun barely rising over the mountains. It was quite a view to witness. Trees danced lightly in the breeze that blew her now curly hair. Smiling, she walked over to the front driveway. His home was indeed a ranch; a farming field was in his front yard for God's sake. Looking a little farther, she noted a sign in the distance.

"Yes?" She read aloud, a little confused. Why was there a sign that said yes in the mountains? Elizabeth pondered this in her mind, before turning away. She waited for John to come outside with her. As if on cue, John emerged from the doorway with a small luggage bag on his right hand. He smiled at her as he approached the woman. "I have some clothing for you if you ever want to change into something more...fit for a woman like yourself." He held out the brown luggage bag for her to grab. Elizabeth thanked him profusely as she grabbed the bag. 

"I owe you my life." She stated gracefully, flushed slightly at the gift she was given. One thing she noticed about herself was her tendency to get embarrassed easily. She wondered if she was always like this. 

"Be careful what you say, Liza. It could come back and haunt you." He stated cautiously. Shrugging off his seriousness, she walked beside him to what seemed to be his car. It was slick black with blue tinted windows. It looked as if it was cleaned regularly. John approched the drivers side and unlocked both doors. Elizabeth wasted no time getting into the passenger's seat. The seats were a light brown leather which was cold to the touch. It smelled like pine trees and ice. She sighed as she sat down. Looking up, she met eyes with a woman. Startled, she jumped, only to realise it was her. Her brown brown hair was curled at random places around Her ears and chin, making her look like a fluffy dog. Brushing what she could, she examined the rest of her face. Elizabeth touched her left eyebrow where a white scar laid inbetween her eyebrow. It looked jagged and dragged to the middle of her head. This mafe her slightly embarrassed and insecure. Cupping the mark, she turned away from the mirror.

Elizabeth heard car keys jingle and the car roar to life. He shifted the gear, and reversed. Stopping, he quickly changed gears again, then drove down a slightly rocky path. Elizabeth took this time to look around the area. She noticed the "yes" in front of John's ranch and a big red tower that stood tall and proud in his field. When he turned, she took notice of some people that stood by his ranch. They held guns to their sides, guarding the area. Elizabeth didn't stop looking till they were out if view. With a sigh, she sat back down and buckled her seatbelt. 

°•°•°•°•°•°•

Elizabeth didn't notice she fell asleep until John slightly shoved her arm. Quickly raising her head from the door, she looked over at the man. He offered no response, but simply got out of the car. She told this as her cue to get out as well. Picking up the suitcase, she opened the passenger door and stepped out into the wilderness. The vegetation was entirely different here. It was more wild and free looking. The sound of bugs buzzing made the woman cringe a little, ushering herself to John's side. "Where are we?" She asked lightly. 

"We're by Jacob's cabin. He would rather us walk up his path then drive. I hope your feet won't hurt too much." He explained, folding his arms behind his back. Elizabeth walked behind him in slow and delicate steps. The pebbles and twigs scraped the bottom of her feet lightly, but she did her best to ignore it. Grabbing onto John's right arm, she leaned onto him for support. This didn't go unnoticed by the man, but he simply kept walking. After a few more minutes, Elizabeth noticed a cabbin slightly above the hill they were walking on. 

"Is that where he resides?" She questioned, earning her a grunt in response. A tinge of anxiety filled her chest. She doesn't know her past memories with these people. She doesn't know if they were bad or good. From what Joseph briefly told her, it was rocky at first. Was she really a bad person? 

They approched the door faster than Elizabeth hoped. Gathering the courage, she knocked on the door. The echo was too loud in her Ears. John put his arm around hers as they waited. She couldn't comprehend the door opening as a man tackled her to the ground. Her head hit the ground hard causing her vision to go black for a moment.

"Deputy." Her vision came back slowly. Looking up, Elizabeth met eyes with an orange haired man. His eyes were blue like johns, but held a more intense look of anger. With a face covered in scars, she felt her heart drop. The amount on his face was concerning to say the least. "I-" her voice was cut off from a squeeze to her throat. Jacob had his left hand held around her neck. 

"Joseph said treat her with kindness, Jacob." John stated plainly. The man turned to look at his brother. He then looked back at Elizabeth, then separated their bodies. Elizabeth quickly put her hand around her neck for a security measure. Checking if the necklace was still there, she got up to stand behind John. 

"She's changed a lot since I've seen her. What's this about amnesia?" Jacob asked, never leaving her eyes. He could tell she was frightened of him already, she knew it. 

"Elizabeth has no memory of her past actions. We must treat her like one of our siblings, with respect. This is the word of The Father." John answered smugly, as if he told a joke. Jacob rolled his eyes and scoffed, "Is that what we're calling her now." Jacob bent over to grab the discarded luggage that flew from their interaction. Throwing it into his house, he turned back to Elizabeth. 

"Come." A simple command she didn't want to follow. Stealing a glance to John, she walked slowly. As she reached the door, she turned to him. "I'll be seeing you soon, John. " her words were genuine as she spoke. He smiled back nervously. With that, Elizabeth turned and walked into Jacob's house.


	3. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacob keeps watch of the deputy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be busy soon but I'll make so much time to write. :^).

"Rule number one, you don't venture outside without my permission. Rule number two, stay out of the basement. And Rule number three, don't listen to my radio calls. Is that clear?" Elizabeth nodded her head in agreement, and went to sit down on the couch in the middle of what seemed to be the living room. Jacob told her where every room was, before he left to his work place.

Elizabeth spent her day venturing around Jacob's house; which she knew he would not be so fond of. Her defence was getting to know the man. There wasn't anything she could examine surprisingly. His house was bare, with only the bare minimum to survive and live well. The only place he had a maximum amount of anything, was his fridge. Stacks of meats and dairy filled the whole fridge. On the side where little amounts of condiments and drinks. Going through the pantries, she found MREs new and old, candy bars, and beer.

"What in God's name are you doing." Elizabeth, who was just sitting on the counter to reach the pantries, jumped to the ground without a second thought. "I'm sorry, I was looking for something to made lunch with." She lied delicately. Refusing to make eye contact with Jacob, she heard slight movements and the fridge opening. "Made what ever you want, just don't touch the bacon." He warned angrily, grabbing a drink then dissapering back to his workspace. Elizabeth let out a breath she didn't realise she was holding, and leaned on the counter.

Ignoring the slight hunger pain, Elizabeth went to the bag John had packed for her. Opening the case with a click, she observed the contents slowly. Pulling out a dark blue dress, she stood to see it's height. It dropped down to the ground with a light thud. Looking into the case once again, she saw a pair of navy blue flats with light blue gems covering the top. They assembled a flower in the middle. Her heart fluttered at the gift. He barely knew her, but he's willing to give her such luxury wear. Flustered, she went to the restroom to change.

Locking the door, she stripped of her dirty clothes and slowly put on the dress. The fabric felt like silk, but had a slight threaded texture to it. Hanging off of her shoulders, it showed a genuinely large amount of her collarbones. Elizabeth wrapped the blue ribbon around her waist into a bow and exited the bathroom to retrieve the flats. Retrieving the case, she slipped them on without hesitation. Her outfit was complete. Doing a soft twirl, she smiled.

"John's been pestering you to wear that dress for a while now. He can finally see it on you without you kicking his ass." Jacob's voice echoed across the room. Elizabeth turned to look at him, confused. Without breaking eye contact, he paced slowly to the woman.

"You know that, right? John's affection to you. That's what makes him weak. You're a threat to the project." Fear crawled in Elizabeth's bones. She knew Jacob wasn't going to let her off ever since the incident a while ago. Concerned, she rubbed her wrists.

"I don't mean to bring harm to your family, Jacob." She tried to comfort him. A hearty laugh was the last thing she expected from such a tense and agrrivated man. It seemed genuine, making her more anxious. He stopped laughing to give her a glare.

"That's not what you thought when you threw me off of a cliff, did you *Elizabeth*?" Before she could comment, Jacob grabbed her by the wrist and marched her down the hall. Turning to his office, he threw her onto his spare chair. The women didn't care adjust her placement and waited for him to make action. Her eyes were wide and tearful. Did she try and kill this man before? Joseph said she was part of the church, so why would she try and kill someone in the church with her?

"Joseph thinks you're going to become a great solider under us. But, you're weak. Skittish. What went wrong with you? You were on the path, deputy. But you've strayed." Jacob scribbled on a white notepad. Elizabeth sat in silence, waiting for his monologue to finish. He dropped his pen onto his desk and ripped off the paper. Getting up from his chair, he went over to a billboard covered with string and more notes over a map. Thinking to himself, he drew his finger on top of one of the strings and placed his finger on a location. He pinned the note there and turned to Elizabeth.

"You still have a purpose to me. No matter our past." He pulled a small box out of his pocket. Elizabeth felt her blood go cold and she involuntarily threw herself off the chair. He seemed amused as he opened the box. The feeling of pain struck Elizabeth's head as she held her ears. It only got worse as her vision began to go red. Panting, she tried to get up but fell back to the floor. She gave Jacob a slight glare before she couldn't take the pain anymore. Collapsing, she heard music play in the background.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

"I don't know if I can do this." She spoke worriedly into the radio, putting a hand onto her hip. The man on the other end sighed in dissapointment. "Rook, we need to kill John. He's killed a majority of the resistance. You're our only hope-"

"I don't want to be your only hope, Dutch! I'm the worst person to have faith in!" She cut him off, squeezing her hip in frustration. The deputy stomped her foot angrily as he answered her exclamation, "for fucks sake Rook; you don't seem to give two shits about the people suffering here anymore! What's gotten into you lately?! This better not be some teenage angst shit." Her vision went black before she could comprehend the sound of screaming. With unintelligible words, she screamed into the radio without mercy. Taking a moment to breathe, she turned off her radio and threw it into the woods. With another scream, she sat down and cried. Everyone was dying and it was her fault. They needed her to fight for them, but she can't be a one man army. She's human too. 

"Friends can be hard. Sometimes, you don't have to listen to them. Sometimes, you have to let them go on their own." The voice of faith filled her mind as she looked around for the woman. Faith appeared infront of a bush a few feet infront of the deputy. Her hands held the book if Joseph, flipping through its scriptures. She paced around, making eye contact wirh the deputy.

"I know you're troubled. It's in your eyes. Sadness. The father would weep if he knew how much you held in your eyes." The petite woman stood in front of her now, green eyes never leaving hers. Her hands held the deputy's own, pulling her slightly. The feeling if sickness traveled up her spine as Faith held her hands. The Bliss clogged her nose and vision slightly. Taking a step back, the deputy shook her head.

"Don't act like you know me, Siren." She muttered, squeezing the woman's fingers to see if she was real. The Bliss swirled harder, making it hard to tell. Faith smiled, laughing like a child. She took her hands out of the grip of the Deputy's, and spun around. 

"You'll soon see. You'll soon understand." The woman dissapered within a puff of bliss. Sighing, the Deputy rubbed the sweat off of her forehead. She wished this would all be over. That she could go home and see her dog again. But that was too much to ask for. Taking out her bow, she walked out of the woods to find a place to reside away from the resistance and cult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this will make sense later.


	4. Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liza has awoken from her attack. She and Joseph discuss what her importance to the cult will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My English is bad for a fluent speaker

"Come back to me, Elizabeth." As if she was spellbound, her eyes opened quickly. The world around her was fuzzy as she groaned in pain from the pounding in her skull. Moving her hands to cover her ears, she felt the delicate touch of another's warm hands roll up her right arm. Turning, she caught eyes with Joseph. His glare was persistent as his neutral facade held still, not breaking at her scared look.

"See, she's fine. She didn't loose her mind. She holds no wrath." The rough voice of Jacob echoed around her mind as she winced. He had shown her no mercy, she Elizabeth was terrified of him. Joseph got up, leaving the woman to lay on the makeshift bed which she assumed to be Jacob's. He put a hand on Jacobs shoulder, muttering words she couldn't pick up. Elizabeth knew it was something nice, considering the smirk that grew on the red head's face. Joseph made one last glance to the woman, then walked out of the room. Jacob marched over, hands behind his back.

"I thought I lost you there, Deputy. You didn't want to be awoken." Giving him no reaction, she blinked slowly. "I don't understand. What did you do?" She knew her innocence would be the end of her, but not knowing what happened to her would have hurt more.

"Train. Hunt. Kill. Sacrifice." His hands held her thighs down as if he thought she would back away from him. Her eyes never left his nearing ones as she felt her heart stop. Jacob made her feel fear. He was the impersonation of a wolf; sly and daring. She felt like prey being cornered. After a while, she broke eye contact nervously. The man laughed and let go of her. He had won her domestic side. 

"I'm going to make you something to eat. We don't need you dying of starvation on us again now, do we?" His heavy footsteps dissipated into the background as she breathed heavily. Why was she so useless as a person? Not being able to stand up for herself and giving in easily was not something she signed up for. Was she always like this? Elizabeth pondered the question.

The dream was lingering in the back if her mind. Why was faith such a force to be dealt with? Her grace and beauty shines off of her presence like the sun. Her eyes held mischief as if she was a child. She was no child. Had they truly been friends? The dream held concern; was she truly working for a church or making a deal with the devil. Slapping herself, she sighed again.

"I can't doubt her just yet, it was just a dream." She would have faith in the church if they had faith in her. Getting off of the bed, she slipped through Jacob's dresser to find a small Jacket. Finding an old military jacket, she threw it over her cold shoulders. "He won't mind....I pray." Making way to the kitchen, Elizabeth tiptoed to the small wooden table by the cabinets she climbed what seemed to be hours ago. Keeping eyes to the ground, she slipped into one of the five mahogany chairs surrounding the table. 

"Joseph and the others are coming for dinner. Act right and John will take you home." Her eyes gleamed with hope, looking over at Jacob, she nodded politely. Fiddling with the ribbon around her waist, she waited for the party to arrive. What seemed to be an eternity, the sun went down the mountains leaving her and Jacob in the kitchen light. He had cooked chicken and macaroni with a side of canned corn warmed. They waited another few minutes before the front door creacked open. 

"Hello, Elizabeth." Faith gleamed, pushing the door open and making her way straight to the woman. The blonde wore golden sandals which added to her enchanting appearance. Her smile gleamed into Elizabeth, as she found herself smiling back. "Hello, Faith. I wished to see you. God is looking out for me." Elizabeth praised, holding Faith's hands in her owns. The warmth was comforting to her timid soul. 

"Liza, it's good to see you again." John's voiced echoed across the house. Elizabeth got up from the chair to greet him properly. She smiled brightly as she hugged him. "It was lonely without you." She whispered into his ear. He only rubbed her back in response. "Take off that jacket, will you." He muttered. She ignored the comment as another pair of footsteps came into the room. Knowing who's they belonged to, she let go of John to greet Joseph. 

"Hello, Father." The word still felt foreign in her mouth. She cringed at herself for calling another man that name. Ignoring the butterflies in her stomach, she took a hold of his hand.

"Hello, child. I hope you have been feeling well since earlier. We have much to discuss about your placement in the church." 

"I will not disappoint you." Joseph smiled and looked over her shoulder to his family. Turning around, they all gathered around the small table. Jacob put servings onto each of their plates. She noted him giving her a little bit more then the rest of the siblings. Maybe it was favoritism, maybe it was the fact she was thinner then what was a healthy weight. He set down the utensils and sat down at the table.

"Elizabeth," The woman looked up at Joseph, "may you say grace for us." She went blank. Nodding slightly, she grabbed hands with Faith and John.

"Father, thank you for the food put in front of us tonight. You have blessed us with another day and I am thankful. Thank you for letting us be together like old times. And thank you for bringing to the hands of the church who took care of me and my well being. Amen." Her face flushed red with embarrassment. This was for sure the first time she said prayer at a table. Her English didn't seem to flow like Joseph's, leaving her ashamed at her words. Faith and John let go of her hands and began to eat. Elizabeth began to eat with them, slowly picking at her food.

Halfway through the meal, Joseph put down his utensils and cleared his throat, "Elizabeth. I need you to understand some things if you work with us again." She put down her utensils as well, showing she was listening. Joseph continued, letting her get lost in his calming presence.

"I don't think you are quite ready to be a marksman yet. From your past life, you could wield a bow and a sniper as if it was second nature. This life could be different for you. I want you to be a hunter temporarily. As you learn, brother John will be by your side to teach you about the church, and how to help with atonement. Sister faith with help you practice scriptures. You are not ready for Jacob. Your soul harvests no wrath, no sin that we know of. You will have to prepare for atonement. 

"What is atonement?" She questioned aloud. It was John's turn to clear his throat as Jacob grew annoyed, "atonement is bringing yourself to be free of sin. Admitting your sins aloud and carving them into your flesh for all to see. Once you become free of sin, you cut it out and display it for all to see." His hand roamed loosely above his heart. John's blue eyes met Elizabeth's green ones. His eyes held something that shook the woman to her core. He laughed, letting his hand lay on his heart.

"Atonement is a beautiful process to be apart of. There is pain; but it's only temporary. I will be there to give you the love and care you deserve. All you have to say is: Yes." John's hand now held tight onto her right thigh. She was glad the dress covered her skin, otherwise his touch would have burned a hole in her skin. 

"John, I want you to take our dear Elizabeth into your care. Show her love, John. Show her the love you gave her before she changed. She may be a different person, but she is still-" Joseph stopped himself as the table fell silent. Faith seemed shocked as John's hand tightened. Joseph cleared his through again.

"She is still your Lover." His words seemed forced, not really sure if they were right to be spoken. John's eyes were not seen through this statement. Jacob had left the table to put his plate in the sink. "Peaches." He called. No one made a sound as small steps came from the basement. A man with mixed skin came from the basement, face busted and eyes filled with sorrow. He look over to Elizabeth, eyes widening. He went to speak, but shut himself up.

"Clean up after my family. If anything is done wrong, we'll disco with the devil tonight." Jacob's threat seemed to make the man jump in his skin. "Yes, sir." Elizabeth got up to help the man when Jacob blocked her path. "Don't." Something flashed in her eyes, as she spoke boldly, "make me, Seed." Her voice sounded tough and foreign. Eyes gleamed with determination. As if on cue, she stopped back in fear. Jacob seemed amused at her sudden dominance. It was like someone possessed her soul and took over.

"I'm... sorry." He ignored her plea, and stepped aside. "Go and help him if you want, Deputy. Just know I'm getting closer to breaking your mind." The familiar feeling of dread rolled up her spine as she approched the man. "I'll help you clean. May I ask you to grab everyone else's plates and silverware?" He went to the table without hesitation.

"Her kindness with be the death of her." Jacob warned what she assumed to be Joseph in a whisper. She washed Jacob's plate slowly to hear better. The cold water ran slowly as Joseph sighed loudly. 

"It almost was." 'Peaches' came back with everyone else's plates and cleaned off the excess food. He placed the plates in the sink and began on the silverware. "What's your real name?" Elizabeth asked sincerely. He didn't make eye contact with her.

"Staci Pratt." He whispered under his breath. Elizabeth smiled. She hummed a tune that was stuck in her mind. From what song, she would never know. It brought ease to her heart as if she was going to be alright. Once the dishes were done, Elizabeth wiped her hands off with a white rag. Staci did the same, keeping space between him and the girl.

"Thank you, deputy." He said, walking back down the basement. She watched him leave and sighed. 

"Come, Liza. It's time for you to come home with me. " John opened his arms as a welcoming embrace. She came closer to him as he placed both of his hands on her shoulders. John didn't break eye contact as he rolled the jacket off of her shoulders. 

"You don't need this one." His face was stiff as he folded it, then placed it on the table. Faith stood behind Joseph as they both approached. "I hope dinner was alright." Joseph insisted. Elizbaeth nodded her hand. Faith watched them interact with a smile. 

"Father, may I help her see after Atonement." Her eyes seemed sharp and daring, smile dropping for a moment. Joseph thought for a moment. "Yes." Faith giggled and danced on her feet. 

"I'll see you soon, Elizabeth." Faith touched the woman's face, causing her vision to go slightly hazy. Elizabeth backed up from Faith and smiled slightly. "I hope you make it home safely." And with that, her and John where back on the road to his Ranch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any questions ? Ask me on my Tumblr: deputy-kamui


	5. Sin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One must feel pain to be redeemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback here.

"When will my atonement begin?" John's eyes never left the road that was dark blue from the sky. His engine hummed slightly as his fingertips tapped to the song she learned was named 'Oh the Bliss.' He shifted gears then went faster.

"Yours will begin soon, dear. Joseph wants to use the sins in your past life. But, that's too much for your body to handle. I'll ask him one last time. In the morning, we'll start." She tapped to the sound of the song as well, picking up the beat quite quickly. The song was calming. It made her feel...free.

They pulled back into his Ranch, rocks crunching under the tires. She watched stars dance in the sky, gleaming white. She wanted to be a star; beautiful and bright. She wanted to dance along the night sky, bringing peace to the people that would watch her. The car came to a stop as John put the car in park. Elizabeth got out of the car, glad her flats were still on to protect her feet from the harsh stones. They walked the small path to his door. 

John opened the door for her politely. She turned on the light and smiled. The antler chandelier hung proudly across the room and the black drapes hung over the table. She made her way upstairs to John's room and sat on his bed. Elizabeth took off her flats and set them to the side. She opened the dresser drawers too look for nighwear.

"I'm sleeping in the spare bedroom. If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask me. There will also be members of the church patrolling tonight. So don't freak out if you see someone walking around." She turned to watch John take off his vest and shirt to throw on a faded grey one. 

"I wanted to know if you could lay with me tonight... or is that not appropriate?" She asked innocently. Elizabeth didn't want to sleep alone, not after her encounter with Jacob. She feared we would come and steal her from John is he had the chance. John paused his movements and began to rub his right forearm. 

"Alright, But you can't tell Joseph. He'd have my head." Kamui turned back to looking and settled with an oversized hope county shirt. She unzipped the dress she had on and slipped on the shirt with ease. It went down to her mid-thigh, making her feel secure. She climed into his bed, savoring the feeling of cold silk sheets against her skin. Her body relaxed easily as she laid on her stomach.

"You always slept like an animal." John laughed, turning off the room light. His body weight soon joined hers as he moved closer. Elizabeth looked up and moved her arm around his free one. John pulled the blanket above them with his free hand and turned to face the woman.

"I hope you don't hate me." He stated blankly, eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Why would I?" She questioned, hugging his arm closer to her chest. He sighed, and looked away for a moment.

"The church Will Change you. It always does." The conversation ended then. The only sounds that filled the girls ears where the sounds of crickets chirping and owls singing songs to strangers. She fell asleep soon after, John's arm still in hers like a child holding a bear.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"LIVE BY THE SWORD AND YOU'LL DIE BY THE SWORD." Faith screamed, throwing hits of bliss at the deputy. She moved out the way, stumbling. She aimed at faith again and shot at her side. The woman grunted in pain, dissapering into a sea of bliss. The Deputy reloaded her handgun, putting away her AK-47. She decided to give the woman some leverage. Faith appeared infront of her again but this time The Deputy was ready to strike. Swinging her knife, she cut the girl's dress. Flowers fell of the fabric that now hung loose at parts of her thigh. Faith dissapered again.

"Did you think I wanted this? He plied me with drugs, he threatened me. I was seventeen! I was just a child!" She sobbed into the Deputy's ears. One last hit, and then it's over. Faith appeared again, and the deputy made a sharp slice to the woman's face. Faith gave up, dissapering onto the floor. The Bliss loosened as they stood before the Henbane.

"You still don't know what you're doing do you?" Faith questioned, wounds bleeding profusely. Her eyes shook as tears feel down her face. "Joseph believes he's our savour. But you'll be the one who decides what happens. You were the start. You'll be the end." Faith approched her, reaching out a bloodied hand. The deputy took her hand, holding it. Faith stood still, breathing heavily. It seemed that she wasn't expecting the other woman to take it.

"Faith." The deputy pulled the woman closer to Herself. Tears fell from her eyes as she held the woman in her arms. Faith sobbed as well, voice screaming in pain. The deputy stroked her hair comfortingly, whispering to faith words of praise. Words to show her that she has more to this world. 

"Let me save you, Rachel. Let me save you from him." Faith sobbed harder, gripping the Deputy's aviator jacket in her hands. After a while, she calmed down. 

"Go save your sheriff. I'll be here." The woman sat, eyes shaded in red from the tears she just spilt. The deputy took off her jacket, and placed it onto the woman's shoulders. Faith watched her with confusion as The Deputy went off to help Sheriff Whitehorse. "Amazing Grace....how sweet the sound...."

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Elizabeth was the first to wake up. Her arm still clutching John's. She got up from the bed and stretched. After standing for a moment, she went to the shared restroom across the room for a shower. Gathering a blue towel, she turned on the water faucet to warm, Elizabeth took of her clothing and jumped into the shower. 

She thought about her dream; about how Faith looked so broken. She wondered why her mind would let her think of these things. Elizabeth sat in the shower for a few minutes, not gathering the energy to wash herself. She'd rather sit here in the warmth of the water then go back into the real world. But reality would bite her before she could try.

"Don't take too long in there, Liza. You're going to fall back asleep." John's joke made her chuckle before she began to wash herself and her hair. When she was done, Elizabeth turned off the warer and grabbed the towel. She covered her body and exited the steaming bathroom. John wasn't in the room which she was greatful for considering her stupidity of walking out in just a towel. Doing a double take, Elizabeth closed the room door and got dressed in black jeans and a dingy blue Hope County shirt. 

The woman walked down the stairs of John's ranch, watching the man talk on the radio. The morning light shined on his face, showing the blues of his irises from across the room. She could get lost in the sight if she wanted. Not wanting to look creepy, she walked over to him.

"She's done with her shower. I'll talk to you later Joseph. May God watch over you." John clicked the radio off and shifted his attention to the brunette.

"I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to shower this morning. How did you sleep." He handed her an apple which she gladly accepted. "I slept okay." She stated blandly, rolling the apple around the palm of her hand. John gave her a side-eye of concern.

"What Did you dream about?" He interrogated lightly, hands still as he waited for a response. The girl sighed, trying to see what was appropriate to say. If she said she shot Faith, John would tell Joseph. So she improvised.

"I drempt of Faith and me holding eachother. She sung to me as we watched the night fall. It was amazing." John's eyes never left hers as she finished her statement. His finger tapped the marble surface before he muttered "mendax." Under his breath. John walked away to the basement, shoes clicking onto the ground in measured steps. He unlocked the door and opened it wide.

"Joseph said you're ready to atone for your sins. Well, in your past life." His eyes seemed sharper then normal, almost excited. If the woman knew any better, she thought he would be upset for this. Elizabeth left the apple on the counter and walked to the basement. She walked down the steps to a concrete room decorated with random black splotches on the walls. The smell was putrid, making her cover her nose. John smiled, and approched a single chair in the back of the room.

"Here." He ordered, pointing to the chair. The girl walked to it and sat down on the cold metal. John opened a toolbox and messed around with the contents. Pulling out a clean knife, he wiped it down again, polishing it more. He moved the workspace closer to Elizabeth, grabbing a bowl of water from beside her and setting it on the table. After a while, John finally turned to look at her.

"Sin is pervasive. It drives us to do unspeakable things. Things that benefit ourselves and harm others. We must realise our sin, and save ourselves from falling victim to its games. In order for one to be free of sin; you have to atone." He held the knife in his right hand, turning it around in the white light that hung above them. Goosebumps grew on the woman's arms with slight fear. 

"I don't want to hurt you, Elizabeth. But this is the will of the Father. Once the pain is over, there will be no more suffering. You can live happy with us in Eden." His eyes looked sad, almost scary from how quick his mood changed. Elizabeth's eyes leaked tears as she nodded, understanding what needed to be done. This was going to fast, she couldn't process that the man she laid next to would be carving into her skin. John strapped her arms and legs down into the chair quickly, testing the straps to see if she could get out. Once settled, he backed up and grabbed the knife.  
"All you need to do is say yes. Yes I am a sinner, yes I need to be redeemed, yes; I can move on from this world of hate unto Eden. " 

"Yes." Her voice shook. John smiled, and walked over. "Elizabeth Reed, you hold the sins of Wrath, Lust, and Pride. Your sins held you down, but I am here to st you free. You will be redeemed; forgiven in the eyes of god." His eyes trailed down her face to her shirt. He ripped the fabric from top to bottom, exposing her torso. Putting a hand on her left shoulder, he readied the blade under her left collarbone. 

White pain shot through her body as she screamed loudly. Tears fell faster down her face as she felt the blade dig through her skin, burning her to the core. She sobbed harder when she felt him curve. John's hand moved to the corner of her neck as a way to hold her down. Alteast that's what's she hoped. The pain continued until she couldnt take it anymore; consciousness going in and out. John's hand lightly smacked her face as her head rolled onto her bloody chest. Humming filled her ears as she passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions? Ask me on Tumblr: @Deputy-kamui


End file.
